Our birth story isn't at all how I imagined it would be. I envisioned I'd go into labour at home about two weeks before my due date (June 28) and stay at home until the contractions were close enough to go into Brandon. At the hospital I thought I'd have a bath, sit on the birthing ball, use the laughing gas, and only get an epidural if I couldn't take the pain anymore. Our baby would be delivered by the midwife on call, our new little family would cuddle in bed, we'd call our family and friends, have a Fresh48 session the next day, and then go home.

Background

We chose to go with the care of the midwives during my pregnancy. I had lots of friends who had had great experiences and I wanted to use them as well, as I hate hospitals and wanted to have as natural a delivery as possible. We were going to have the baby at the hospital under the care of the midwives. During my pregnancy, the midwives were introducing group appointments as part of their care. This change occurred so that they could take on more clients. I wasn't keen on this, but went to the group appointments, where it was usually a different group of three midwives during each monthly appointment. I had my own appointment at 28 weeks and then individual weekly appointments after 36 weeks. I was terribly swollen, but knew I would be ahead of time as it is genetic for the women in my family. I had my feet up ALL of the time and was still always swollen. I was told it was due to the heat of the summer and that I was nearing the end of my pregnancy. I gained a healthy amount of weight, the baby measured spot on at each prenatal checkup, and I didn't have gestational diabetes. My blood pressure was in the 'healthy' range during pregnancy, but sometimes it was on the higher end of the range.

The Story: June 12, 2019 

I went into Brandon for my scheduled 37 week midwife appointment on the morning of Wednesday June 12. The baby measured at 37cm, was head down, and had an average heartbeat of 130. My blood pressure was in the 140s, so my primary midwife asked the midwife across the hall to come and take it as well. She also got a reading in the 140s too. My midwife then went on to tell me she was going to call the midwife on call and I was to go to the maternity ward at the hospital for pre-assessment.

I texted Derek to let him know I was going to be going to the hospital soon, I had no idea at this point that we would be meeting our baby that day or how serious everything was. Derek was spraying and I asked him how much more he had to finish. He had about half an hour left of spraying, so I told him to finish the field and then come meet me at the hospital. After I had my paperwork from the midwife, I headed to the hospital. Once I was parked, I headed to the emergency room entrance, found the admittance desk for the maternity ward, filled out everything, and then headed up to the fourth floor. The nurses were waiting for me and I did a urine sample and then was set up in a pre-assessment room with a non-stress test and blood pressure cuff that went off every ten minutes. The lights were turned off and I was not allowed to look at my phone because of my high blood pressure. Derek arrived not too long after he finished spraying the field in a very high gear - not recommended - and tested out how fast the Dodge would get him to the hospital.

It was around lunchtime and I was starving, so Derek went down to get me some fries from the cafeteria. After I had had about five of my fries, Dr. Akintola, the OB-GYN, came in and told me I could not eat or drink anything as they were concerned I could have a stroke or seizure. My blood pressure was at 177 at one point. While Derek went to go get my hospital bag from the vehicle, the doctor came to check me to see if I was in labour on my own at all, I was 1 cm dilated. The midwife told me to clean up and get comfortable under the blankets again. Derek walked in just as I was cleaning up and I found blood everywhere. I immediately started crying and panicking and Derek called the midwife back in and told me he was not leaving my side again. The doctor then decided to induce me. I had researched everything about labour and all of the different options and scenarios, I had thought. I had no idea what it actually meant to be induced and continued to panic. After I was induced around 1:00, I began to have contractions and laid in bed in the dark room and tried to rest as I was continuing to be monitored. I was given two pills to take and struggled to get them down because I can’t swallow pills, but a nurse gave me some pudding to help get them down. I don’t really remember much from this time, except that I was in quite a bit of pain during each contraction and was really wanting to have some water but wasn’t allowed to. I was freezing and kept asking for more and more blankets from the blanket warmer. Later on in the afternoon the doctor came to check me again and I wasn’t dilating very much and the baby wasn’t liking the induction, so he decided it was time for a c-section. After I signed a form, some nurses came into the room and started prepping me ready for the surgery and Derek was thrown a gown to put on. I was crying and terrified, because even though I didn’t have an official birth plan, I did not want an IV or epidural because I was terrified of needles. Derek calmed me by telling me we were about to meet our baby. He also told me we could name our baby Caleb with a C, not Kaleb with a K, which was the only thing we could not agree on name wise during the pregnancy. We didn’t find out ahead of time what we were having, but were both sure it was a boy. We were told there was another c-section ahead of me, so it might be a little while before I went to the operating room, but they had me ready. Before I had a chance to process anything I was being wheeled down to the operating room and went straight in (I was put ahead of the other c-section). Derek wasn’t allowed in the room until after my epidural. I remember there being a lot of people in the OR and the epidural taking forever as I had to sit on the edge of the bed, extremely still as I hugged a nurse (wishing it was Derek the whole time). Once that was done I remember being able to feel what was happening and I told the nurse standing by my head that I could feel everything and I didn’t want them to keep going if I could feel it all. He pinched my neck and asked me if I could feel it, yes, then again closer to where they were operating and I could faintly feel it. The nurse asked me what the baby’s name would be if it was a boy or a girl, and I told him. Derek came in and sat by my head. The epidural was effective but I could feel a lot of ‘tugs’. I knew as soon as the baby was out, it felt like a rubber boot being pulled out of mud. Derek was allowed to look over the curtain and see him. He accidentally looked around it instead of over and saw more than he wanted to. A nurse told us we had a baby boy! As I laid there for what seemed like forever, he wasn’t crying. I asked Derek if he could see him and he said he couldn’t (he later told me he could, but didn’t tell me that at the time, as they were trying to get him to breathe). I finally heard his cry and then I immediately started to cry as well. The midwife brought him over to us and I got to see him for a minute before he was taken up to the NICU. Caleb had to go up to the NICU because he had a pneuma (a small air pocket by his lungs). Derek went with Caleb as I remained in the OR and then later to recovery for a few hours.

Once I had feeling returned to my legs as the epidural had worn off, I was wheeled up on my bed. We stopped at the NICU to see Caleb, but I couldn’t see his face, just the top of his head due to the way he was in his bed and I was lying on my bed. Then I went to my room on the maternity ward. 

I have no recollection of time but here are some things I remember (or have been told) over the next 24 hours; I was mostly in shock the whole time. I was shaking uncontrollably all the time because of the epidural. My parents, brother, and sister came to visit that evening and brought flowers and a gift. I threw up all over Derek twice. My blood pressure was so high, I had a nurse sitting in my room just watching me. Around midnight a doctor came in and then sent me to ICU. Derek wasn’t allowed in the ICU for awhile while they got me all set up. I had an IV in each hand, monitors all over my chest, oxygen, and an arterial line placement to continuously measure my blood pressure (which the nurse finally got in on the third try - that was brutal). I kept asking where Derek was and once I was settled he was allowed in. I tried to sleep in between the constant checks and beeping sounds. Derek slept on a chair with his head on my bed by my feet. My nurse told him to go home around 5:00am for some sleep. At 7:00am I had a new nurse for the day, who was super sweet. She got me all cleaned up and helped me start to pump my milk. The doctor doing rounds wanted my blood pressure to go down to 120 before I could go back to the maternity ward. I remember later in the day, after constantly watching my blood pressure monitor, saying that I would never get out because it wasn’t that low when I had been pregnant. Derek came back to the hospital around 10:00am, he got to hold and feed Caleb for the first time. Caleb was having feeding issues and was being topped off by being tube fed. As that was happening during every feeding, they decided to give him an NG tube so they didn't have to put the tube down his throat each time. After Derek fed Caleb, they surprised me and snuck Caleb into the ICU to see me. I finally got to hold him for the first time and he even tried to feed! He could only stay for about ten minutes and I didn’t want him to leave. (Note how swollen I am in these pictures).

I could have gone back to the maternity ward mid afternoon, but they were short staffed and I required a one-on-one nurse. So once my magnesium was finished, I went back to my room around 7:00pm. Derek stayed with me until about 10:00, but then had to go home and get spraying things ready for the next day. I had a horrible night as it was my first time alone, I could not get comfortable, the shock of everything was wearing off, and I was extremely homesick. I was woken up constantly to have my blood pressure checked, take meds, or have my folly bag emptied. In the morning, I got my catheter out and walked straight to the NICU to see Caleb. I got to feed him and snuggle with him. 

Derek had two of our friends custom spraying his fields on the Friday, in hopes that he could be with us, but his day didn’t go quite as planned and he didn’t get back to the hospital until the late afternoon. My mom came and spent the day with me and Caleb, who was allowed to be in my room the majority of the time. Stacey came and did our Fresh48 photos, which sadly Derek couldn’t make it back in time for. While Stacey was there, I was to start taking another blood pressure pill, which couldn't be crushed. A different nurse came in stood over me, forcing me to take it and I couldn’t. I tried to get it down and ended up choking, spitting water all over the place, and felt like I split my incision open. The nurses decided to give me a break, because forcing me was not helping the situation at all. 

Derek came back later and we took turns cuddling Caleb. Saturday was a very rainy day. My mom came again for the day; Derek left for a bit in the afternoon for a friend’s wedding. Caleb accidentally pulled out his NG tube and his nurse decided not to put it back in unless he needed it again ... which he didn't! I limited our visitors at the hospital because we had to focus on getting better so we could go home. I desperately wanted to be out of the hospital and at home with my little family, but they were still trying to figure out the best meds for me and Caleb wasn’t eating enough yet. He was having a hard time transitioning from being bottle fed to breastfeeding. He had been switched from slow to fast flow nipples on his bottles, so he wasn't having to do any work. We switched him back to slow flow and once we had the right nipple shield, things started to work a bit better for us. It was super stressful trying to learn how to breastfeed when a nurse would hold Caleb and try to make him eat while he screamed. I think almost every labour and delivery nurse tried to help us figure things out. By Sunday, Derek’s first Father’s Day, I was able to be discharged but Caleb was not. Since there was room on the maternity floor, they let me stay the night so that Caleb could stay in my room and we could all go home in the morning together. Alternatively, I could have gone home for the night, but would have had to spend the next night in the ‘sleep room’ which they described as a closet with no windows and just a bed. We opted to stay all together for Sunday during the day and night. 

By Monday morning, Caleb was eating the required amount during each feeding so we were able to both be discharged. I remember being showered, packed, and ready to go that morning and just waiting forever for the nurses to get all the paperwork finalized for us to all go home. I couldn't wait to get out of there ... I was very done with having people, especially strangers, around alllllllll the time. Once we were finally out of the hospital and on the way to pick up some lunch, while my prescription was being filled, I bawled happy tears. I was so happy to be out of the hospital finally. We had the most delicious chicken dinner at home that mom and dad brought over to celebrate being home!

I had a slow recovery and had to frequently go to the clinic to have my blood pressure checked and bloodwork done. I had to take meds for my blood pressure four times a day, which I had alarms set for on my phone. The alarms would wake me up all the time when I had usually just fallen asleep again. I was also still so swollen; I always had my feet up. I pumped for the first few days at home, but after the public health nurse came to visit, she helped me with some things and after that Caleb became a great eater! We had friends and family bring us suppers which was super helpful for the first bit. During the first two weeks at home, I didn't sleep very much. Caleb was a great sleeper and had a fairly consistent routine, but during the night I would just lay in bed and relive everything that happened in the hospital. My crying would wake Derek up. For the first two months, I had to feed Caleb on the couch while watching Netflix to keep myself distracted. I went to see a counsellor, who gave me some strategies to help.

Caleb is now four months and I can't believe how quickly it's gone. I now sleep with a weighted blanket and I'm weaned off of all of my meds but am still taking a low dose of labetalol daily. Caleb is the most content and happy baby, which has been a huge blessing. He's a trooper as we've dragged him all over on road trips, camping, weddings, and combine rides. Motherhood is everything and more than I've ever dreamed of.

xo Alyssa

(Maternity, Fresh48, and Newborn photos by the lovely Stacey Gabriel Photography)

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“When I look at my scar now, I see my body’s ability to heal, to survive. I see journeys of both the physical and mental variety, with success waiting at the end - even if it wasn’t the end I expected. More than anything, though, I see grace. The grace I finally learned to give myself when plans changed and I adjusted accordingly, emerging stronger than ever before.” - Motherly